Miracles Surround The World

Picture this: Waking up at 5:30am to prepare for a school competition/meet. You cannot drive yet so you go to wake up your mother, she's not in her bed (you assume she's in the bathroom) so you tell your dad and he tells you he will drive you. It seems like a simple offer, but then you go back to wake him ten-fifteen minutes later and your mom still isn't there. She wasn't down stairs and she wasn't with the kids. You're in the car and you ask your dad: "Where's mom?" He says "She's fine." Then where is she is all that runs in your mind. "Is she hurt? Did something happen?" He shook his head and says he'll tell you later. You think the worst, where did she go? Did she run? Only to learn your grandfather had a heart attack the night before, the one that came in for an early Christmas from Michigan....

My grandfather suffered a severe heart attack on December 17 at 3:30am. On that fateful Saturday I did not get any notices of his condition. I awaited a text, a call, something, anything while at a meet for speech. I learned later he was improving, yet then the next day he was near death and they weren't sure that he was going to make it. By December 23, he was stabilized. He was going to be alright. It was concluded that he was a miracle case, a one in a million chance. They originally thought he would need a transplant of something else, yet he didn't. His minimal heart function (15-20%) has done all the work, compensating for the other parts that aren't functioning. Yet, even though he believed that he'd be safe and ok as did we, he is not the main point. He was blessed with miracles on those fateful days. Yet, aren't we all?

Miracles like having access to a computer instead of being on the streets. Miracles like having family and friends to help you through your hardest times. Miracles like having food on the table. Like having gifts for Christmas. Like having generous enough people that will give to those less fortunate. Like being able to hear. Like being able to see. Like having the medical advances that exist. Like having pets. Like having health. Like being able to read. Like being able to write. Sappy, yes, but lies? No. All true. Miracles come in large and small forms, whether its being able to live another day or see someone you miss dearly or just having a family. All of these things are miracles and even though they are not constantly called miracles they are. Just because the whole world doesn't acknowledge them as so doesn't mean they don't exist. Miracles surround you, me, my family, friends, neighbors, strangers. Whether you are religious or not, faithful or unfaithful, believer or non, miracles will continue to reveal themselves. Slowly and in small places, but no matter what miracles will surround the world.

PictureThisGirl

The Classic Teenage Worries

Picture this: Sitting in a high school chair, waiting for the clock to move faster. Waiting for the teacher to stop talking. You can't focus on your work because it's dull and annoying, because your mind has other places to explore (not that you'd admit that to a teacher much less parents). Sometimes your mind wanders to the future: When will I get a boyfriend? What will he be like? Who will I marry? How many kids? Where will I work? Where will I live? Yet, even though you can't truthfully answer these questions (the answers remain unknown until the time actually comes) you still picture your life and what you would be doing, who you'd be with. Then when the bell rings all those thoughts vanish and you come back to reality. So many teenagers experience this. Yet, they also worry, but why?

One of my classic excuses is: I just want to think that at some point I won't be alone. Being who I am is no day in the life glamour. A classic student with pimples, clique issues, trying to find her place. Classic teenage issues, except that my friends are not in one small town, but rather dispersed around the world. It's not like I chose to randomly friend some people on facebook, but that during the best two summers of my life it happened. At home I remain indoors writing pointless things, day dreaming, studying, calling people, thinking, wishing. Classic events except instead of balancing the time indoors with parties, friends, or just going out, I remain indoors. Many teenagers do (not that movies will show the truth of that because its not a juicy enough plot line: Ooh she studies, takes a five minute break, and studies more.) Therefore, I spend a lot of time alone. Not that I don't hang out with my family, being one of eight the house gets a bit crazy. The craziness fills the empty space, actually it ensure that the house is never silent. Yet, it doesn't ensure a social life. I don't babysit much, nor am I forced to family events. Rather I stay indoors by choice. Odd enough for a teenager. All the time alone brings around the daydreaming, wishing, and endless thinking.

Teenagers live with these pointless worried and by people saying: "Your time will come." or "Just wait, you're young still." or "If it's important enough you can wait." Yes, the time may come, but even then not every single answer appears. Yes, I may still be young, but I'm growing older everyday! If its so important I'm only going to want it more and be more impatient. Yet, in truth, looking at your surroundings makes you realize these annoying, irritating, pestering statements are true. No one realizes the moments that they live, not every second, how can you? If you live to be 86 and there are 3600 seconds in a day and 365 days in a year... That's 1,314,000 seconds! How can you remember each of those? Yet, why not be able to remember the ideas or the feelings of the day before? I believe that a photo says it all: happy, sad, feeling, emotion, hope, aspirations, events, ideas, dreams... A photo can reveal the events of a day. That's why my camera has no deleted pictures no matter how bad I look, or others do we want the moment, the memory deleted forever? I want a moment to live on even when I'm gone, a memory is worth more than $1,000,000,000,000+ so why not preserve it? Why worry about what you don't know? Life's a dance you learn as you go and you can't plan everything out, but you can't risk not noticing the happenings of the day and how fortunate you are either.

PictureThisGirl

Military Memories

Culver Military Academy and Summer Camps. When my parents introduced the idea to my rebellious sister she thought they were crazy. She considered it a punishment, sure she'd been late to curfew once or twice. Yes she'd talked back, but Military Camp? Yet, when she'd arrived she realized she was wrong. The fresh cut green grass, the new riding hall. The flag poles with three flags flying high. She saw something more. People, other teenagers walking around in uniforms conversing amongst themselves. She has 6 weeks there. Six weeks to prove herself. Six weeks to show what she could do.
I observed what she was learning. What she was proving to herself and others that she could accomplish. She was proving that she was worth while. That she knew more about herself and was more confident. I decided that was where I wanted to go. I wanted the same oppertunity that my sister was provided with.
So I went last summer explored and made some close friends. Yet this year, this year I found myself. I found myself smiling everyday and meeting new people that improved my mood. These people became my family for six weeks. For six weeks I surrounded myself with amazing people that without this camp I would never have met. This camp made sure that I am who I need to become.
Before I went to camp I sat in my room on my laptop, blogging, reading, writing, or walking my dog. Yet, camp made me gain the confience I was lacking. Camp made me want to go out and meet new people. Camp made me want to show people me. I've always cut myself short saying I couldn't go with certain people or groups because of who I wasn't. Yet now I'm ready to show everyone who I am.
At this camp I have more memories with real friends than I've had all my life. I have opened up and found more of myself than ever. I was happy and I knew myself.
At this camp I found me...
Picture that.
<3 Picture This Girl

Talking About Something and Doing Something

Picture This:
You speak about going on a diet, but wait there's this wonderful cake (your favorite flavor) at this party. You'll start the diet tomorrow. Then again the next day you have a work party and there are these little choclate covered pretzals... maybe tomorrow I can start. And so forth the next day becomes the next and the next and the next.
Even though this can happen in a negative fashion, it can be positive as well. The thing is... Talking about something is diffrent than putting it into action. Action requires motivation talking can just be simple chit chat or gossip. Therefore if you say 'I can't talk to you' and the talk doesn't go so well it doesn't mean that you can't do that.
Because the talk was just a little set back, the idea was the spark and the thinking was the flame. So Just because you couldn't just stop the talking when mentioning an idea, that means nothing when actually carrying through an action. An action needs the movement and will power.
So if you have the will power to avoid someone it can be done. All you need is to tell yourself that its done. That you can't do something like eat the cake. You need will power to do most anything, but what if its the most difficult thing yet? Like not speaking with a best friend? Well maybe thats what you need. To prove to yourself that You can do something, especially if it is for a good reason and you need a break.
Talk doesn't fully influence the action. Will power does.
<3 PictureThisGirl

Please Tell Me (Acutally let's say this never happened)

Picture this:
Someone with trust issues. Someone that doesn't want to tell you the issues. Leave them alone, they figure everything out themselves. You push them to open up and then say 'Well I wish you never told me, let's just forget it.' But in nicer words.
The thing is opening up can the easiest or hardest thing to do. It all depends on the person and people differ. Some people can tell anyone their issues, but others act fine, but are hurt on the inside. Its difficult to tell the diffrence, but the truth is... No one has no issues and even though they look fine they may be crying on the inside more than anyone else.
So these people who are selective with opening up open up carefully. They'll leave little hints hoping someone will pick up on them, even though the chances are slim to none. These hints are so small that its amazing you could leave a hint in that way and expect someone to pick up on it. The thing is...these are the people with the real issues.
So if one of these people want to tell someone something, they don't know how. Even starting to tell someone something is a task. They question every word, they don't know how. Telling someone a problem could be interpreted as an instinct, but the truth is it can't be. It is all about the enviornment in which the person was raised in as a child. This person could have been raised in a family where you never open up unless its a broken bone, but never a broken heart.
Therefore, when one of these people reaches out of that self preservation comfort zone they feel uneasy, questioning, and just want to forget and because of these they keep it inside even more turning into nothing more than a person full of issues from toes up. So if a friend knew all of this, you'd think they would know that if that person opens up to show some kind of...respect, at the very least, right?
Imagination wants the world to be perfect. Truth be told, nothing can be perfect. Nothing. This is because it isn't heaven. And everything has something wrong with it. In a perfect world people wouldn't get divorces. In a perfect world there wouldn't be fights. In a perfect world there wouldn't be these kind of people or these kinds of friends.
So the person persists they open up and tell them this thing. Finally, the person does. They open up and feel like the world could come crumbling down. Yet, the listener gives them false hope saying they feel, equal? Well maybe all is fair in love in war, but not everything is fair in life. Like lies for example. Yet later in an hour they tell the person with false hope that all of this opening up and talking should be forgotten.
What? That is what you should be saying. Yes Please please conquer your fear and tell me something and let me give you false hope and also let me break you down further? Wow...good friend even better now this person has nothing.
Wow...such a perfect world?
<3 PictureThisGirl

Freedom

Picture this:
Breezy air. Sun shining. Smiles and laughter fill the air. A pool to cool down in. A dog running around. Kids screaming with joy. Friends joking around. Clouds looking like animals. Trees and green scenery. Happiness surrounding you. Waking up at 9... This is summer before Culver.
Most people love their summer and if it were taken away would cry. Then, why do I chose to leave? All the things described sound wonderful, something you'd want to hold onto for as long as possible. Something that eventually leaves with the boring school days. Yet, do they hibernate or do they simply disappear because of what people do or think or feel? I can't figure it out, but personnaly. I don't think summer is determined by just a season. I don't think summer is determined by how late you can wake up. Because.... the fact is.... its who you're with. School is boring because of teacher's and homework. Yet, fun when you talk with friends work together talk about the class. Thats why Culver is my summer, because no matter how much marching is thrown in the people beat it out. Because the memories I acquire couldn't come from anywhere else. And my friends back home molded my year and beginning of summer.... sometimes you need to be molded by new hands and let unobtainable memories be obtained. Sometimes your friends don't have all the right answers... Sometimes you just need a little more..........Freedom.

Protectors

Picture This:
Your five years old. You're scared. Down stairs there's screaming. Upstairs there's unrestful sleeping. You want your mother to hold you and tell you everything's all right...But she can't.
Kids want one thing. Happiness, to know that they're safe, that everyone they love is. Yet, where is that happiness when there's screaming downstairs and yelling and no one's there to hold you and comfort you?
So, I quietly walked down to my little brother who had waterfalls on his face. I led him out of the empty black hallway and to my room. I had wanted to ween him from cuddling in my bed, yet, the tears weakened me. I laid him on my bed as he cried. I remained rubbing his back attempting to play the motherly role and sooth him to sleep. He eventually calmed down but just looked at me with empty eyes. I sighed and he grabbed me tight in a hug. He didn't let go. Just grasping for something, anything, but that something was me. I held him making sure he knew I had him. I wouldn't let him fall. I wouldn't let him hurt. I wouldn't let him be alone.
He let go and looked at me with honest eyes. "I love you." He went back and held me tight. I whispered, "I love you too." He finally laid down his head on the pillow. He saw me holding my Polar bear that I sleep with. "You want one?" I went to my closet and let him pick from The Beast in Beauty and the Beast, Penguins, and a Dog. He grabbed the dog with fast fingers. "Protector." He said.
I looked at him puzzled. "Protector." He stated again. "He won't let me get hurt. He's gonna save me." I put my hand on his back. "We're here too." I told him making sure he knew that we were real. "But he can't hurt me." I felt my eyes mimick his eyes earlier. We waled back to my bed. "At night, he comes alive and guards me. He won't let anyone hurt any of us. He's special. He kisses me sometimes too. He makes sure I won't die. He loves me. He loves mommy too and dad and you and everyone in the world! Protector loves helping people. Protector loves me. Protector protects me." I kissed his child forhead. "Goodnight, I love you." I whispered.
I laid on my side and looked at my bare wall. I closed my eyes and pictured someone looking over me. Someone protecting me. I pictured someone making sure I was smiling. Someone picking me up from rock bottom.
Everyone needs someone to protect them...lover, friends, family, people, teachers, someone....
PictureThisGirl<3